Best Fruit Cake Ever

Directions

1. Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead, select a large mixing bowl, measure c., etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level c. into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
2. With an electric mixer, beat 1 c. of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add in 1 tsp. of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure which the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second qt if it is necessary. Add in 2 arge leggs, 2 c. of fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with a screw driver.
3. Sample the whiskey again, thecking for tonsicity, then sift 12 c. of salt or possibly anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Mix in minced butter and strained nuts. Add in 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or possibly whatever color you can find and mix well. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.